Wednesday, April 16 2014
Not much to share really. Just wanted to share a video called TransMormon.
TransMormon
(sorry, this blog website won't let me make a real link to the video).
I love it as I also used to be a member of the Mormon church. Definitely worth a watch.
Anyways, that's all.
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Sunday, April 6, 2014
#030 - Ma'am'ed on the phone, boymode fail, more with HR and college. (HRT Day 276)
Friday, April 4 2014
Earlier in the day I got a call from the head HR guy. I'm to meet him in his office after break time. No explanation given. What knowledge I have about him, he's a very "fire & brimstone" religious guy. Alarm bells are going off in my head. I'm always on time for work, I'm diligent in my work, supervisors are always commending me, always have a positive attitude so whatever it is it's probably related to my transition.
Fearing the worst, I pulled out my smartphone, hit Record, and walked into his office for the meeting. I figured that if I'm going to be disciplined or fired for being trans, I'll have an audio recording of it plus past supervisor commendations to take to court with me in filing a discrimination suit.
The conversation was actually quite pleasant and he was looking to hammer out the details and possible accommodations for a transgender employee. To his credit, he doesn't know anything about transgender issues, but he's trying. He's turning one of the two women's warehouse bathrooms into a unisex bathroom. It's a single occupancy bathroom which also doubles as a locker room. Not exactly the solution I was looking for, but in my opinion an acceptable accommodation. Counting myself, there's only two women in the entire warehouse anyways.
I'm just glad I don't have to use the men's bathroom anymore. I've been getting a LOT of confused looks. I won't dare use the men's locker rooms.
I'm so glad I recorded the conversation for another reason, my voice. I haven't been practicing my voice much if at all. Maybe ten minutes here and there. It's something I've been beating myself up over (along with going back to the gym regularly). In fact, the only thing I've been doing is scrunching my tongue back a little (kinda like the beginnings of a yawn) and talking like that. It's harder to enunciate with my tongue unable to move as much as it's needed to form words, so I'm practicing forming words primarily with my lips. It's working out quite well to my surprise and with such little practice. The office recording is linked here:
http://soundcloud.com/jojorumbles/hr-conversation-mike-4-4-2014
(may want to turn your sound up to hear it)
I've been told on Reddit I sound like a young male teenager which is amusing. I'm almost 32 so maybe having a voice at that range might work. I was ma'amed on the phone at work with it so I'll stick with it for now.
Anyways, my boymode at work is really starting to fail. Delivery drivers who see me are asking my coworkers if I'm a "chick or a dude" because apparently they can't tell. My forearms are thinning out, my face is becoming quite feminine (pics from the last blog entry don't do it justice), I have visible boobs, my voice seems to pass yet I have a five o'clock shadow and Adam's apple.
The drivers are puzzled, coworkers who rarely ever see me are puzzled and this is me intentionally trying not to pass. I'd wear facial hair concealer and natural makeup, but I work in a hot sweaty warehouse which tends to destroy makeup. I have an electric epilator coming in the mail soon (I'm desperate). I know they're super painful and can leave irritation marks on the skin, but this laser hair removal is just taking way too long and I've yet to see any progress. I'm coming up on my sixth treatment with zero results so far. I'm going to have to purchase another 6-treatment special off of Groupon or something. Definitely with a different company.
And then there's college. I've started looking into going to school for my bachelors and to train for medical administration. Right now I'm stuck filling out a LOT of tedious financial aid paperwork. It's slow going and may consume the entire weekend. But it'll be worth it. On top of working full time, I'll also be receiving a "living wage" through my GI Bill which I'll be saving for surgeries.
Moving on. Physically I can't hide my figure anymore. Boobs are really REALLY obvious and although I'm overjoyed that they're getting bigger, they stick out like a sore thumb. They're definitely an A cup now, though the shape doesn't exactly conform to bras. They stick out sort of like rounded road cones which I find unappealing, but I guess they'll fill out in time. They already look fantastic under a t-shirt.
I still have a lot of body mass to lose. My legs are still massively muscular which I don't know how to bring down aside from starving. Maybe a no-protean diet? I don't know. I also want my neck, upper arms and belly fat to thin out. I've been neglecting the gym and making excuses not to go. It's time to get back on that.
On a last note, I really don't like how my picture turned out in the last blog entry. There were about a dozen or so pictures taken that day and those were the best of them. I need to start practicing makeup on my own.
Moving on. Physically I can't hide my figure anymore. Boobs are really REALLY obvious and although I'm overjoyed that they're getting bigger, they stick out like a sore thumb. They're definitely an A cup now, though the shape doesn't exactly conform to bras. They stick out sort of like rounded road cones which I find unappealing, but I guess they'll fill out in time. They already look fantastic under a t-shirt.
I still have a lot of body mass to lose. My legs are still massively muscular which I don't know how to bring down aside from starving. Maybe a no-protean diet? I don't know. I also want my neck, upper arms and belly fat to thin out. I've been neglecting the gym and making excuses not to go. It's time to get back on that.
On a last note, I really don't like how my picture turned out in the last blog entry. There were about a dozen or so pictures taken that day and those were the best of them. I need to start practicing makeup on my own.
Sunday, March 16, 2014
#029 - First time with makeup. (HRT Day 257)
Sunday, March 16 2014
My roommate who's in her mid 60's wanted to do my makeup today. I agreed and this was the result. Keep in mind that, although my eyebrows were trimmed, they still need work. I'm also still wrestling with facial hair which is a major obstacle to passing. My lips are super chapped which makes lipstick look terrible, but doesn't really show in the pictures. I'm also trying to lose about 30 or 40 more pounds. I started at 215, dropped to 180 and I'd like to go as low as 140.
As for the makeup.... I'm ok with it but not really all that thrilled. I think makeup, like fashion, goes in and out of style and I think this is a bit out of style. I'd like to not have to use so much concealer on my face but I'd have to if I wanted to conceal facial hair. The makeup looks really REALLY obvious and it doesn't really work to conceal under my chin and jaw bones.
Still, it's another big step in transition and I wanted to share.
Saturday, March 15, 2014
#028 - Forced to go full time soon, money troubles worsen and time for makeup. (HRT Day 256)
Saturday, May 15 2014
Well it seems I may have to go full time a lot sooner than I had planned. Warm weather is coming soon which means I can't wear baggy clothing to hide my figure anymore. Without it, I clearly have an hourglass figure and boobs going on. Combine that with chin length hair feminine looking face (more so than the last picture), and it's clear what's going on.
Tomorrow my roommate wants to take me shopping for makeup and to get my eyebrows shaped. I'm not really sure what to think of all this. I was nice and comfortable just popping a pill and going about my day. But I guess it's time to leave my comfort zone and further my transition. All I know is there are awkward times to come.
I'm not sure how well facial hair concealer will hold up to heat and sweat. Facial hair isn't going away nearly as fast as I was hoping for. I need to buy another six sessions of laser hair removal soon and I have no clue how to pay for it.
Money has become a growing problem lately. Bills are piling up and I simply cannot keep pace. I'm looking for a second job, but that may take a while to get. My tax return was confiscated by the US Navy in their efforts to recoup my enlistment bonus. I was really counting on that money to help take care of bills and for makeup/salon needs.
Honestly, I'm kinda scared about going full time. I've been neglecting my voice practice and workouts which are important. I still mostly have the pitch of a guy but with some playing around I can get my voice where it needs to be. Physically, I'm very flabby. Bicep muscles have turned into fat but still look large. I really need to lose 30 pounds at least.
That's about all I've got going for now. I may sell off the last of my paintball/airsoft gear to help pay bills and such. I don't really foresee ever playing again.
Well it seems I may have to go full time a lot sooner than I had planned. Warm weather is coming soon which means I can't wear baggy clothing to hide my figure anymore. Without it, I clearly have an hourglass figure and boobs going on. Combine that with chin length hair feminine looking face (more so than the last picture), and it's clear what's going on.
Tomorrow my roommate wants to take me shopping for makeup and to get my eyebrows shaped. I'm not really sure what to think of all this. I was nice and comfortable just popping a pill and going about my day. But I guess it's time to leave my comfort zone and further my transition. All I know is there are awkward times to come.
I'm not sure how well facial hair concealer will hold up to heat and sweat. Facial hair isn't going away nearly as fast as I was hoping for. I need to buy another six sessions of laser hair removal soon and I have no clue how to pay for it.
Money has become a growing problem lately. Bills are piling up and I simply cannot keep pace. I'm looking for a second job, but that may take a while to get. My tax return was confiscated by the US Navy in their efforts to recoup my enlistment bonus. I was really counting on that money to help take care of bills and for makeup/salon needs.
Honestly, I'm kinda scared about going full time. I've been neglecting my voice practice and workouts which are important. I still mostly have the pitch of a guy but with some playing around I can get my voice where it needs to be. Physically, I'm very flabby. Bicep muscles have turned into fat but still look large. I really need to lose 30 pounds at least.
That's about all I've got going for now. I may sell off the last of my paintball/airsoft gear to help pay bills and such. I don't really foresee ever playing again.
Thursday, March 6, 2014
#027 - A push to pass, eight month mark and looking for a second job. (HRT Day 247)
Thursday, March 6 2014
So I've been wanting to write in this blog for a while but honestly I haven't had much happen to write about. Was considering writing about personal opinions on news, current events and general ramblings. I may still do that but not this blog entry.
So two days ago was my 8th month mark on HRT. It still hasn't been a month on prescription HRT yet but still, even on DIY hormones there's still plenty of change for the best. But I think it's finally time to start trying to pass. For the last eight months I've been playing the waiting game. Growing my hair out, working out, losing weight, and just going about my life as is. Comments from my coworkers were a clear indication that I need to start putting forth effort into passing.
Now I need to look into getting eyebrows shaped, practicing makeup, practicing my voice more often which I've been neglecting for the most part. I have one voice trick that just clicked for me where I roll my tongue back a little and sort of half open my epiglottis. It's that little flap that separates your trachea and esophagus in your throat. It seems to work ok I guess, but to me it sounds like Lois Griffin from Family Guy. I definitely need to practice more because to my ears it comes out awkward as fuck.
I've got a shit ton of plucking and tweezing and waxing to do. I still have all of my facial hair which is one of the two biggest barriers I have to passing. I'm thinking maybe beard cover would help with that, but it would have to be a daily upkeep and stubble would still be a problem.
My other biggest barrier is my body mass. My arms, though thinner, are still bulky because of fat. They're large, squishy and flabby which is annoying. I can't cross my arms without them looking manly. My legs are a bigger problem. I used to ride a bicycle everywhere around Austin, Tx which left my legs absolutely massive. Even with a shave, they're still massive and bulky as hell. This means I can't wear shorts, skirts, capris or dresses anytime soon. It's awful and I hate it.
I'm planning on hitting the gym a lot harder, possibly every day for hours a day. I'm also considering starting a veggie diet with an occasional break. I definitely want to pass 100% percent by the end of this year. That's the goal. If I visit family in Austin this Christmas, I want to be smoking hot and shove all my families doubts and stereotypes in their faces.
So I've been wanting to write in this blog for a while but honestly I haven't had much happen to write about. Was considering writing about personal opinions on news, current events and general ramblings. I may still do that but not this blog entry.
So two days ago was my 8th month mark on HRT. It still hasn't been a month on prescription HRT yet but still, even on DIY hormones there's still plenty of change for the best. But I think it's finally time to start trying to pass. For the last eight months I've been playing the waiting game. Growing my hair out, working out, losing weight, and just going about my life as is. Comments from my coworkers were a clear indication that I need to start putting forth effort into passing.
Now I need to look into getting eyebrows shaped, practicing makeup, practicing my voice more often which I've been neglecting for the most part. I have one voice trick that just clicked for me where I roll my tongue back a little and sort of half open my epiglottis. It's that little flap that separates your trachea and esophagus in your throat. It seems to work ok I guess, but to me it sounds like Lois Griffin from Family Guy. I definitely need to practice more because to my ears it comes out awkward as fuck.
I've got a shit ton of plucking and tweezing and waxing to do. I still have all of my facial hair which is one of the two biggest barriers I have to passing. I'm thinking maybe beard cover would help with that, but it would have to be a daily upkeep and stubble would still be a problem.
My other biggest barrier is my body mass. My arms, though thinner, are still bulky because of fat. They're large, squishy and flabby which is annoying. I can't cross my arms without them looking manly. My legs are a bigger problem. I used to ride a bicycle everywhere around Austin, Tx which left my legs absolutely massive. Even with a shave, they're still massive and bulky as hell. This means I can't wear shorts, skirts, capris or dresses anytime soon. It's awful and I hate it.
I'm planning on hitting the gym a lot harder, possibly every day for hours a day. I'm also considering starting a veggie diet with an occasional break. I definitely want to pass 100% percent by the end of this year. That's the goal. If I visit family in Austin this Christmas, I want to be smoking hot and shove all my families doubts and stereotypes in their faces.
Friday, February 14, 2014
#026 - Still employed! Also, finally on prescription HRT and terrible dreams. (HRT Day 228)
Saturday, February 15 2014
So it's been a little over a week after telling my supervisor about my ongoing transition and I'm still employed. No demotions, no lightened workload (actually, more on that another time) and no reassignments. My supervisor turned red in the face and admitted that my place of employment is tolerant and accepting of everyone, but he has absolutely no clue how to deal with this in the workplace.
His response made me laugh a bit. "Yeah.... me and uh... (other supervisor) kinda had a suspicion that that was the case" (other supervisor knew for quite some time already and I think he's been dropping hints here and there).
He directed me to speak with HR about transitioning in the workplace, to which I told him about our previous encounter. Our HR representative is equally clueless on how to deal with an employee transitioning in the workplace.
I'm casually looking around the internet for resources and materials to give my HR rep. So far nearly everything I've found is horribly out of date or too bizarre for transgender people to understand or take seriously. I'll probably piss someone off, but I think the pronouns Ze and Zer are easily the stupidest terms I've ever heard. There's no way I can seriously present that as a transgender understanding resource.
My supervisor did assure me that any inappropriate touching, slurs and sexual harassment towards me would be promptly and harshly dealt with (assuming I don't go around intentionally causing confrontations which I wouldn't).
Anyways, during my last trans support group meeting, I was given contact information for a trans friendly doctor. His office is surprisingly close to my house, almost within walking distance. The doctor was actually really nice and understanding. No looking down on me or talking to me in a condescending manner.
The doctors office is a planned parenthood and LGBT healthcare center. It's actually kinda tucked away and difficult to find if you didn't already know it's there. But yeah, they don't take insurance so I had to pay $100 out of pocket and on the spot. Sucks, but my health insurance did cover the blood test and the prescription meds all for free.
I have to do go back to him in 45 days for another blood test. He gave me a slightly lower dose than what I've been on for the past 7 months just to get a feel for where I should be at. So I'm down 12mg of spiro and down 2mg of E for my normal daily dose. Still, it's a huge relief on my budget to have this covered by my health insurance.
Moving on, I think for several months now my dreams have been more vivid and memorable. I used to dream in dreary black, white and gray. Sounds and other senses often were not involved. Now it seems my dreams are using all my senses. Everything is in color. I don't know if that's the HRT or if it's just me dealing with depression and accepting being trans.
I've had quite a number of good dreams. Some about SRS and some regarding adult themes, but my latest one was really bad actually. For whatever reason I've been on this mom kick and I have no clue why. In my dream I was married, my husband and I were adopting a baby. As I was holding this baby this intense feeling of calm and happiness washed over me. It was definitely a new feeling. Then social services stepped in and took the baby away from me. I struggled to keep it but I lost. It was the most horrible heart breaking feeling I've ever experienced in my life.
I woke up in a cold sweat, shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. I'm surprised my roommates didn't hear me down the hall. Or if they did they didn't say anything. HRT is a hell of a drug. It left me shaken all that day and it even still bothers me a little just writing about it. My new roommate would love to hear every detail about it, but this is something I'm not comfortable sharing (or at least sharing with people that know me IRL).
Anyways, As time goes on, I'm physically starting to become more and more passable. When I'm wearing a t-shirt and jeans my hourglass figure is clearly obvious. Boobs haven't really increased in size much, but they've definitely rounded out a bit and are quite noticeable. My face is looking very feminine but I've yet to do anything about my eyebrows and hair style definitely needs work. For the most part it's just been growing out with little upkeep aside from cleaning. I'm playing with a side part which looks far better than a middle part.
I want to go to a salon and have that all worked on, but my roommate would be crushed. She claims to be a beautician expert despite dropping out of that school. Frankly her makeup and hair style is awful. She wants to do mine and I don't trust her at all to do a good job. But if I go out and have a professional do it, it would hurt her feelings.
Regardless, I can finally stand to look at myself in the mirror now. I'm not where I should be yet, but I'm definitely getting close to the finish line. I still want to lose about 40 lbs and get a surgery or two. We'll see what happens. Budget is still too tight to do anything.
So it's been a little over a week after telling my supervisor about my ongoing transition and I'm still employed. No demotions, no lightened workload (actually, more on that another time) and no reassignments. My supervisor turned red in the face and admitted that my place of employment is tolerant and accepting of everyone, but he has absolutely no clue how to deal with this in the workplace.
His response made me laugh a bit. "Yeah.... me and uh... (other supervisor) kinda had a suspicion that that was the case" (other supervisor knew for quite some time already and I think he's been dropping hints here and there).
He directed me to speak with HR about transitioning in the workplace, to which I told him about our previous encounter. Our HR representative is equally clueless on how to deal with an employee transitioning in the workplace.
I'm casually looking around the internet for resources and materials to give my HR rep. So far nearly everything I've found is horribly out of date or too bizarre for transgender people to understand or take seriously. I'll probably piss someone off, but I think the pronouns Ze and Zer are easily the stupidest terms I've ever heard. There's no way I can seriously present that as a transgender understanding resource.
My supervisor did assure me that any inappropriate touching, slurs and sexual harassment towards me would be promptly and harshly dealt with (assuming I don't go around intentionally causing confrontations which I wouldn't).
Anyways, during my last trans support group meeting, I was given contact information for a trans friendly doctor. His office is surprisingly close to my house, almost within walking distance. The doctor was actually really nice and understanding. No looking down on me or talking to me in a condescending manner.
The doctors office is a planned parenthood and LGBT healthcare center. It's actually kinda tucked away and difficult to find if you didn't already know it's there. But yeah, they don't take insurance so I had to pay $100 out of pocket and on the spot. Sucks, but my health insurance did cover the blood test and the prescription meds all for free.
I have to do go back to him in 45 days for another blood test. He gave me a slightly lower dose than what I've been on for the past 7 months just to get a feel for where I should be at. So I'm down 12mg of spiro and down 2mg of E for my normal daily dose. Still, it's a huge relief on my budget to have this covered by my health insurance.
Moving on, I think for several months now my dreams have been more vivid and memorable. I used to dream in dreary black, white and gray. Sounds and other senses often were not involved. Now it seems my dreams are using all my senses. Everything is in color. I don't know if that's the HRT or if it's just me dealing with depression and accepting being trans.
I've had quite a number of good dreams. Some about SRS and some regarding adult themes, but my latest one was really bad actually. For whatever reason I've been on this mom kick and I have no clue why. In my dream I was married, my husband and I were adopting a baby. As I was holding this baby this intense feeling of calm and happiness washed over me. It was definitely a new feeling. Then social services stepped in and took the baby away from me. I struggled to keep it but I lost. It was the most horrible heart breaking feeling I've ever experienced in my life.
I woke up in a cold sweat, shaking and sobbing uncontrollably. I'm surprised my roommates didn't hear me down the hall. Or if they did they didn't say anything. HRT is a hell of a drug. It left me shaken all that day and it even still bothers me a little just writing about it. My new roommate would love to hear every detail about it, but this is something I'm not comfortable sharing (or at least sharing with people that know me IRL).
Anyways, As time goes on, I'm physically starting to become more and more passable. When I'm wearing a t-shirt and jeans my hourglass figure is clearly obvious. Boobs haven't really increased in size much, but they've definitely rounded out a bit and are quite noticeable. My face is looking very feminine but I've yet to do anything about my eyebrows and hair style definitely needs work. For the most part it's just been growing out with little upkeep aside from cleaning. I'm playing with a side part which looks far better than a middle part.
I want to go to a salon and have that all worked on, but my roommate would be crushed. She claims to be a beautician expert despite dropping out of that school. Frankly her makeup and hair style is awful. She wants to do mine and I don't trust her at all to do a good job. But if I go out and have a professional do it, it would hurt her feelings.
Regardless, I can finally stand to look at myself in the mirror now. I'm not where I should be yet, but I'm definitely getting close to the finish line. I still want to lose about 40 lbs and get a surgery or two. We'll see what happens. Budget is still too tight to do anything.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
#025 - Happy 7 month anniversary, found a doctor maybe, and coming out to supervisor tomorrow. (HRT Day 217)
Tuesday, February 4 2014
So today is my 7th month on HRT and I can most definitely see noticeable changes in my face, my body, my mental and emotional state. All doubt as to whether HRT works is gone. It definitely works. So much fear and doubt in the beginning and it drove me nuts.
But yeah, I have to wear multiple shirts, a hoodie and a sports bra to keep my hourglass figure hidden. Something that's going to become VERY obvious in the future at work when the weather gets warmer. So I've decided to tell my supervisor now and not spring it as a surprise. I wanted to tell him today but he was far too busy with work and said "how about tomorrow?"
So sometime tomorrow I'm going to be telling him that I'm going through the transgender process, what to expect and how coworkers should behave, and most importantly, shouldn't behave towards me. No groping, no "grab-ass'ing", no asking about genitals, no using slurs such as Tranny, and such. I guess the biggest piece of advice for coworkers to treat me is to not make a big deal out of it.
I'm not coming out full time at work nor changing my name yet. I'm not demanding proper pronouns be used either. I'm simply giving my supervisor a heads up on what's coming down the road in a few months. I can't wear all these layers of clothing in the summer time and my figure will become quite obvious.
I honestly have no idea how it's going to go and I'm nervous as hell. My supervisor is a cool guy and I haven't been in trouble or anything at work. My last employee evaluation was nothing but praise for my work ethic and punctuality. I don't think I've ever been late to work and he's even admitted that he doesn't have to keep an eye on me to know that I'm doing my job to the best of my ability. I think you're doing something very right when your supervisor trusts you enough to not feel the need to supervise.
But it could go south and get nasty. I really hope it doesn't but I'm already looking at new job opportunities in case things go sour. At least I can go back to my old temp agency to get another job. I worked very well with them in the past.
Anyways, my health insurance gave me a bunch of endocrinologists numbers and told me to go find one on my own who actually does trans health care. After a week of wasted lunch breaks and dozens of calls, I gave up. Last Saturday I went to my regular trans support group and they were kind enough to give me a couple of numbers to doctors who actually do support trans people. I've got an appointment set up for next Tuesday. The only downside is that they do NOT take insurance of any kind. The initial visit cost has to be out of pocket which is $100.
It doesn't sound like much to the fully employed, but I'm already way far behind on some of my bills. I may not even be able to get my tablet out of pawn, it's already been quite a while. I'm afraid I missed the payment date and it's gone for good. It also means I can't get my pistol out of pawn yet again. I've been keeping up on that one and have been repawning it each month at $20 each month. Still, I'm really far behind on my car insurance bills and I have no idea how to catch up. Maybe a little at a time each month? I don't know. I do know that I won't have savings of any kind for quite a while.
My tax return is looking grim and sparse. Last year I got almost a thousand dollars back. This year is a measly two hundred dollars at best. I don't know what happened but I really REALLY needed that money to lift myself out of debt.
I'm still looking for an extra part time job. I need the money to save up for surgeries, but it will cut into necessary appointments such as laser hair removal and doctors appointments. If the part time job is shitty, I may have to choose between keeping the job or taking care of my needs.
So today is my 7th month on HRT and I can most definitely see noticeable changes in my face, my body, my mental and emotional state. All doubt as to whether HRT works is gone. It definitely works. So much fear and doubt in the beginning and it drove me nuts.
But yeah, I have to wear multiple shirts, a hoodie and a sports bra to keep my hourglass figure hidden. Something that's going to become VERY obvious in the future at work when the weather gets warmer. So I've decided to tell my supervisor now and not spring it as a surprise. I wanted to tell him today but he was far too busy with work and said "how about tomorrow?"
So sometime tomorrow I'm going to be telling him that I'm going through the transgender process, what to expect and how coworkers should behave, and most importantly, shouldn't behave towards me. No groping, no "grab-ass'ing", no asking about genitals, no using slurs such as Tranny, and such. I guess the biggest piece of advice for coworkers to treat me is to not make a big deal out of it.
I'm not coming out full time at work nor changing my name yet. I'm not demanding proper pronouns be used either. I'm simply giving my supervisor a heads up on what's coming down the road in a few months. I can't wear all these layers of clothing in the summer time and my figure will become quite obvious.
I honestly have no idea how it's going to go and I'm nervous as hell. My supervisor is a cool guy and I haven't been in trouble or anything at work. My last employee evaluation was nothing but praise for my work ethic and punctuality. I don't think I've ever been late to work and he's even admitted that he doesn't have to keep an eye on me to know that I'm doing my job to the best of my ability. I think you're doing something very right when your supervisor trusts you enough to not feel the need to supervise.
But it could go south and get nasty. I really hope it doesn't but I'm already looking at new job opportunities in case things go sour. At least I can go back to my old temp agency to get another job. I worked very well with them in the past.
Anyways, my health insurance gave me a bunch of endocrinologists numbers and told me to go find one on my own who actually does trans health care. After a week of wasted lunch breaks and dozens of calls, I gave up. Last Saturday I went to my regular trans support group and they were kind enough to give me a couple of numbers to doctors who actually do support trans people. I've got an appointment set up for next Tuesday. The only downside is that they do NOT take insurance of any kind. The initial visit cost has to be out of pocket which is $100.
It doesn't sound like much to the fully employed, but I'm already way far behind on some of my bills. I may not even be able to get my tablet out of pawn, it's already been quite a while. I'm afraid I missed the payment date and it's gone for good. It also means I can't get my pistol out of pawn yet again. I've been keeping up on that one and have been repawning it each month at $20 each month. Still, I'm really far behind on my car insurance bills and I have no idea how to catch up. Maybe a little at a time each month? I don't know. I do know that I won't have savings of any kind for quite a while.
My tax return is looking grim and sparse. Last year I got almost a thousand dollars back. This year is a measly two hundred dollars at best. I don't know what happened but I really REALLY needed that money to lift myself out of debt.
I'm still looking for an extra part time job. I need the money to save up for surgeries, but it will cut into necessary appointments such as laser hair removal and doctors appointments. If the part time job is shitty, I may have to choose between keeping the job or taking care of my needs.
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