#040 - First YouTube video, yay! (HRT 1 year, 2 months)

So this is my first YouTube video. I knew from very early on that I wanted to start a video series and answer the same questions that keep popping up. I'm a little nervous as you can probably tell in the video. I don't do a whole lot of public speaking. Plus English is not my first language, it's actually Spanish. Believe it or not, until I was about five I think, I didn't speak a word of English. It was all Spanish. I speak English now and for the most part fluently. Don't ask me to speak or read Spanish, I've pretty much forgotten it all, but I still struggle a bit with some words.

Anyways, here's the video:

There were only three video thumbnails to choose from and this was the best of the three. No really, this was the best :-/

#039 - Went out in full girl mode, denial of health insurance again, and possibly a date this weekend. (HRT 1 year 2 months)

Friday, September 12, 2014

So last weekend I hung out with fellow LGBT friends and I was in full girl mode. We went to the monthly transgender meeting at the LGBT center where we acted like total goofballs texting each other goofy stuff. Then we went to a friends house for video game night. We also grabbed some fast food on the way over.

I wouldn't exactly call that going full time or fully out-n-about, but it was the first time I shed off all boy cloths and went out as me. Scary as hell, but it was nice. I also had my hair straightened which looked AMAZING!!!!! :-)

Anyways, more garbage from my useless health insurance, Anthem BC/BS. They've decided that, while they're happy to take my money, they will no longer provide me with any service whatsoever, for anything. Of course, I'm appealing and I fully intend to fight this all the way, but it's such a pain in the butt. Attorneys may have to be involved, lawsuits, win/loss, appeals, on and on. I refuse to back down on this.

The last little bit is that I think I may have a date tonight with a guy I met on a dating website. He seems nice, is super nerdy, and totally OK with me being transgender. He had a hard time actually asking me out, his messages danced around the idea, but he couldn't say it because he's shy.

He'd say things like "Gosh cutie and maybe a date?" and "We should sometime." To which I responded with "Are you asking?" and "LOL are you asking or suggesting?" He finally came around to saying yes and he's too shy to come out and say it. I have a feeling he might flake out which is OK, I don't mind. I'll remain cautiously optimistic yet prepared for disappointment.

And that's about it. I'm a year and two months on HRT which is awesome. I'm still fighting with facial hair which is taking FOREVER to have removed, and yay boobs. I bought a few nice padded bras that look freaking amazing. Makes all the tops I wear really pop.

I might start recording YouTube videos soon. It's something I knew from the start that I wanted to do. There are certain people I'd like to thank for inspiration, Jordan and her channel minorqback for example. I've seen lots of YouTube videos from other trans women, but hers really spoke to me in a way none of the others could. Here's this girl who's a feminine tomboy and into sports, something I can really relate to. I don't really have much interest in the outlandish cutesy pink girly thing. Other trans women have that covered like PrincessJoules.

I intend on recording to video my personal experiences and the things I've learned along the way. Jordan doesn't make videos anymore, she's apparently fallen off the radar and that's to be expected I think. In a few years I won't be writing or making videos either. I won't be a trans female, I'll just be a female and move on with life. I don't think I'd like to wave the trans flag for the rest of my life, metaphorically speaking. Some can and do which is appreciated, but I don't think I could and I certainly wouldn't fault anyone who couldn't either.

At the risk of sounding arrogant and self serving, I'd like to carry the torch for a little while via helpful YouTube videos. I'd like to contribute and show others another face of a trans female and give reassurances the way I received through videos.

#038 - Busy busy life and weight gain from stress. (HRT 1 year, 2 months)

Friday, August 29, 2014

Well gosh, were to start? I'd like to apologize for the lateness of this blog entry. I'm working full time, attending school full time, getting electrolysis done every Friday, and spending my weekends getting all chores and things done. Super stressful and it's starting to have an impact on both my job, school, and my health.

Unfortunately, my body weight has shot up a bit. I'm now hovering around 190 lbs and I have absolutely no time for going to the gym. I'm out and about so often that I don't have time to cook healthy dinners, so most of my meals come from 7/11. Not a good thing. I'm not sure what I can do about it except diet, but that's the way things are for the next two years.

Anyways, I'm trying to add more pictures on the blog to make it more interesting. I've recently discovered the coolest thing ever: Disney Punk Edits

Here's a few of my favorites:

My favorite is the one with the Slipknot t-shirt and I made it my main Facebook picture. Definitely worth checking out if you've got the free time

So that about wraps up my very late blog entry, short and sweet. I just got home from having electrolysis done on my face and all I want to do right now is lay down. Tomorrow I have plans to hang out with new friends. They're both trans women and they're both about in the same position I'm in. We're figuring stuff out together and having a laugh.

#037 - Found another transgender mormon video, passing a lot more often, and hosting tiny chat sessions. (HRT 1 year)

Monday, July 28, 2014

So I'm currently on a week long vacation from work. I still have school at night, but the mornings are all mine. I'm not really doing anything special. Just cleaning, working out, homework, and around-town errands.

I found another mormon transgender video on Reddit. I'm an Atheist now and no longer believe in god, but it's very moving and I'm glad to see the church finally leaving hate behind, if only a couple of members at a time. The leadership of the church is still mired in hatred and bigotry, but some members are turning toward sanity.

Aside from that, I've been trying to work up the courage to go full time. Facial hair and adams apple are still a huge problem and giveaway, but I'm pushing forward. By pushing forward, I mean being dragged kicking and screaming by roommates and friends to be more feminine :-P

This is my poor attempt at being more feminine. I still refuse to give up my old male hobbies such as video games, paintball, and airsoft. In fact, I'm buying a new airsoft gun this weekend. It's an MP9 and it's a lot lighter than my old M4. It weighs a lot less, is more compact, and is gas powered. The only downside is the magazines only hold 48 rounds each and are expensive. Still, it's basically a fully automatic pistol with a shoulder stock :-)

I'll try to be feminine and retain my tomboy hobbies and interests at the same time. It'll be difficult though. I'll take a few pictures and maybe record a few videos of action on the airsoft field for ya'll. Should be fun.

Anyways, I've started hosting Tiny Chat sessions every Sunday on the /r/asktransgender forums. Yesterday was the third one and it seems to be growing in popularity. I'm not always on, but it's hosted here at 5:30 pm EST on Sundays:

http://tinychat.com/jojorumbles

Anyone is welcome to join, provided they're civil and polite. No nastiness, no nudity, no sexual talk. The channel receives minors all the time so I'd like to keep it G rated. Otherwise Chris Hansen might pay me a visit :-P

For at home, I seem to be passing far more often. My voice still sounds like shit and I haven't been practicing. The couple of selfies I took above have been my best so far (no, not the Zena pic). There are some better pictures, but they came out blurry and terrible. Still, after 30 some odd years, I finally saw myself in the mirror for the first time. I broke down in tears and bawled for hours with joy. I had so many fears at the beginning and I'm so very happy with how things have currently turned out. I'm not done yet, there are still a couple of milestones to reach, but I think going full time by the end of this year is entirely possible and realistic.

I've been dabbling on the Omegle website and 9 times out of 10 I'm gendered correctly which blows my mind. People say I'm far more beautiful than I think I am (I have a very low opinion of my looks and body weight). Boobs are starting to become more shapely which is nice, but they still mostly have the shape of those orange road cones.

I think I've given up on the idea of getting vocal surgery within the next couple of years. I only have a limited amount of time left where I'm receiving all this extra money from the government for school. I have to ration it out and knock out the most important ones first. Definitely a tracea shave is first. Followed by either breast augmentation or FFS. It's looking like I'll only be able to get two surgeries at most.

Lastly, A friend recommended to me this spray on stuff that's supposed to ease the pain of electrolysis:

 

I haven't used it yet, but when the doctor starts working on mustache, I'm definitely going to need any pain reliever I can get. It's gonna hurt badly.

#036 - Electrolysis: Scary yet necessary. (HRT Year 1)

So, it's two in the morning and I've got an APA research paper due in about 15 hours. I'm still writing the damn thing, but I'm taking a break (aka slacking off). I've actually set up my laptop on the kitchen mantle because it keeps me standing up and not falling asleep. At the same time the research paper is due, I also have an English final exam. Yay no sleep!

Earlier today I took my Algebra final exam and sadly I failed it. Failed horribly with just a 50% grade. I self confidence dropped and I felt so terrible and guilty that I had to fight back tears. I finished up in class, got in my car, drove off and the floodgates burst. I was nearly bawling the whole drive home feeling incredibly stupid and worthless. Fortunately I'm allowed to retake the exam on my laptop and in the privacy of my own home. I scored significantly higher than before but my overall class average is hovering around 78%.

It's a passing grade, but I don't just want passing. "Good enough" isn't good enough for me. In my personal opinion, I believe I have far more to prove than my fellow students. Since I'm transgender, I'm afraid potential employers will see it as a big negative on my application. I want to have grades so high that I could say I graduated at the top of my class. That I'm the top pick from all other graduates. I'm hoping that would outweigh any anti-trans sentiment potential employers may have. In full honesty I have no clue either way.

Anyways, to the point of this blog entry: Electrolysis!!!!!

So for those who don't know, electrolysis is a permanent hair removal process. It works by inserting a thin needle-like probe down into the hair follicle, sending a burst of electricity through it which cauterizes the blood vessel which feeds the hair, and the hair itself is removed via tweezers.

That's basically what goes on. One hair at a time. Each session is for one hour and the technician eliminates as many hairs as they can within that time frame. I've had four sessions so far and results have been remarkable. Both of my cheeks and large portions of my sideburns have been cleared up with minimal regrowth. That's a good sign. Hopefully I won't have to get several dozens of sessions. I probably will, but I hope not.

My last session rendered the left side of my face swollen, red, bumpy and covered in tiny scabs. It's cleared up significantly since then, but there's still a bit of bumpy redness:

And yes, it's time to get my eyebrows waxed again. They're starting to get a little untidy. I'm also not wearing makeup of any kind. I want to, but I can't go out in public wearing it. I tried wearing just concealer to cover my 5 o'clock shadow, but an asshole coworker called me out on it. His mocking cuts pretty deep.

I do get compliments from cis women about the makeup they think I'm wearing (which is none). My eyelashes, lips, fingernails, and eyebrows when they're trimmed and waxed are often cited for compliments and I don't really see it. I do think hair looks great when tied back in a ponytail. It looks horrible when it's down though and I do want to visit a salon sometime.

My face has gotten better, but it still feels scratchy dry, looks red, and is still a little bumpy. It wouldn't be so bad if both sides of my face looks the same. Symmetry.

The pain that comes from this procedure varies greatly. From what the technician said, some areas of the face are far more sensitive than others because of their proximity to major blood vessels. The closer you get to the vertical line down the middle of your face, the more it hurts. Sideburns weren't bad at all, but as she got closer to the middle of my face it hurt more.

All in all, would I recommend the procedure? Yes. It's one hour of pain per week and results are immediate and lasting. In comparison to laser hair removal, I reached seven sessions and still never saw any real results.

One last thing. I set up an ammo can full of nail polish. My old interests meet my new interests. How awesome is that?
 :-P

#035 - Busy as hell, crossed the one year mark on HRT, and general updates. (HRT 1 Year and a few days)

Sunday July 13th, 2014

So I've been meaning to get around to writing this blog entry, but I've just been so busy with school. I work full time and attend school full time which leaves little time left for sleep or anything else. Having said that, I've finally crossed the one year mark on HRT. Yay! Here's a few recent pictures:

So yeah, significant progress is going on, but there's still a long way to go. I have no intention of going full time. I've barely touched makeup, my voice is still awful, I'm still overweight, and I still have facial hair.

The good news is that I'm finally getting electrolysis done. In fact, yesterday was my forth session. I'd love to take another selfie picture, but the whole left side of my face is swollen and bumpy. Lots of tiny little scabs everywhere. Even with makeup, my left side looks droopy.

Anyways, here's a timeline of pictures from the beginning:

I know, I know. A bunch of those pictures are cringe-worthy. It's ok, I cringe too when looking back on them. But it's important to keep the old pictures to contrast with the new ones. Real genuine progress is happening and it just blows my mind. My favorite of the bunch is the bottom left of the two rows. I use that picture on Facebook, Twitter, Skype, dating sites, and any other social media I can find.

Aside from that, school is going well. I have two finals next week and I'm totally procrastinating which I shouldn't. I'm not worried about failing. There's no chance of failing. I'm just worried about not getting straight A's. The way I figure it, if I graduate at the top of my class, potential employers who are anti-trans will look past that and see my hard work and amazingly high grades. That's the line of thinking anyways. Hateful bigots usually don't use reason and logic so that may all just be for nothing. Still, it's always good to do your best and shoot for the top.

And that's about it. I'm still slogging along at work. I don't hate it there, but I have no plans to stay there forever. I really want to go to the gym more often, but I just don't have the time to do so anymore. Maybe on the weekends, but that's not enough.

#034 - Crossed the 11th month mark, workplace bathroom drama and so very close to passing completely. (HRT Day 340)

So three days ago was the eleventh month mark on HRT. Not on doctor prescribed HRT, but it all still counts. I'm getting so very close to the one year mark. I thought I'd be ready to go full time by then but from here it's obviously not going to happen.

I finally had my last session of laser hair removal with zero results. That's seven months wasted. So now I have a choice of either going with a different laser hair removal place or breaking down and getting electrolysis done. I'll have to ask around first but it's looking highly likely that it'll be electrolysis. I'm going to be setting an appointment for this upcoming Friday afternoon. We'll see how it goes.

So my workplace finally got a bathroom situated for me to use. Finally. However they did it in the least preferred way possible. HR was *supposed* to pull aside my two other female coworkers and have a conference on what's going on and what to expect in the future. Instead, HR waited until the very last minute, ripped out my coworkers lockers and just told them bluntly that there's a "tranny" working here and their bathroom is now a unisex bathroom.

Well one of my coworkers flipped her lid. Not only did they take her stuff which was in the lockers, but they told her in the worst way. She's a "good christian woman" so she took it badly. Stomping around bitching and hollering all day long. If there were coworkers who didn't know I was trans, they do now, or at least someone in the warehouse.

Fortunately it was Friday afternoon when it happened. When Monday rolled around she calmed down and there was no more drama. So now I can use the bathroom and it's a single occupancy so no drama.

Anyways, the whole facial hair thing is seriously becoming a hindrance to passing. When I have concealer on I seem to pass fairly well. But the concealer can't hide all the stubble so it's for the most part ineffective. It's really frustrating because I'm so very ready to go full time. I hate this awful androgyny stage of looking female on everything except face. It sucks.

I really want this done and over with. Close shaves don't last nearly as long as I need it to last. Ugh it's infuriating. I think the worst part is that I need to let it grow out all next week just for the electrologist has enough to grab with tweezers. I'm thinking mustache and chin need to go first. They're the worst offenders.

As a final thought, I'm still thinking about what surgery I want to get. I'm getting about $1,300 a month in checks from the government so I can afford some surgery of choice in the relatively near future. I really want to get the voice surgery from Yeson, but that's a LOT of money. I'm also considering other forms of voice surgery that are here in the US but they seem sketchy. The other ones that cost a lot less are a trachea shave, breast augmentation and possibly a nose job.

And that's about it for now.