#029 - First time with makeup. (HRT Day 257)

Sunday, March 16 2014


My roommate who's in her mid 60's wanted to do my makeup today. I agreed and this was the result. Keep in mind that, although my eyebrows were trimmed, they still need work. I'm also still wrestling with facial hair which is a major obstacle to passing. My lips are super chapped which makes lipstick look terrible, but doesn't really show in the pictures. I'm also trying to lose about 30 or 40 more pounds. I started at 215, dropped to 180 and I'd like to go as low as 140.

As for the makeup.... I'm ok with it but not really all that thrilled. I think makeup, like fashion, goes in and out of style and I think this is a bit out of style. I'd like to not have to use so much concealer on my face but I'd have to if I wanted to conceal facial hair. The makeup looks really REALLY obvious and it doesn't really work to conceal under my chin and jaw bones.

Still, it's another big step in transition and I wanted to share.

#028 - Forced to go full time soon, money troubles worsen and time for makeup. (HRT Day 256)

Saturday, May 15 2014

Well it seems I may have to go full time a lot sooner than I had planned. Warm weather is coming soon which means I can't wear baggy clothing to hide my figure anymore. Without it, I clearly have an hourglass figure and boobs going on. Combine that with chin length hair feminine looking face (more so than the last picture), and it's clear what's going on.

Tomorrow my roommate wants to take me shopping for makeup and to get my eyebrows shaped. I'm not really sure what to think of all this. I was nice and comfortable just popping a pill and going about my day. But I guess it's time to leave my comfort zone and further my transition. All I know is there are awkward times to come.

I'm not sure how well facial hair concealer will hold up to heat and sweat. Facial hair isn't going away nearly as fast as I was hoping for. I need to buy another six sessions of laser hair removal soon and I have no clue how to pay for it.

Money has become a growing problem lately. Bills are piling up and I simply cannot keep pace. I'm looking for a second job, but that may take a while to get. My tax return was confiscated by the US Navy in their efforts to recoup my enlistment bonus. I was really counting on that money to help take care of bills and for makeup/salon needs.

Honestly, I'm kinda scared about going full time. I've been neglecting my voice practice and workouts which are important. I still mostly have the pitch of a guy but with some playing around I can get my voice where it needs to be. Physically, I'm very flabby. Bicep muscles have turned into fat but still look large. I really need to lose 30 pounds at least.

That's about all I've got going for now. I may sell off the last of my paintball/airsoft gear to help pay bills and such. I don't really foresee ever playing again.

#027 - A push to pass, eight month mark and looking for a second job. (HRT Day 247)

Thursday, March 6 2014

So I've been wanting to write in this blog for a while but honestly I haven't had much happen to write about. Was considering writing about personal opinions on news, current events and general ramblings. I may still do that but not this blog entry.

So two days ago was my 8th month mark on HRT. It still hasn't been a month on prescription HRT yet but still, even on DIY hormones there's still plenty of change for the best. But I think it's finally time to start trying to pass. For the last eight months I've been playing the waiting game. Growing my hair out, working out, losing weight, and just going about my life as is. Comments from my coworkers were a clear indication that I need to start putting forth effort into passing.

Now I need to look into getting eyebrows shaped, practicing makeup, practicing my voice more often which I've been neglecting for the most part. I have one voice trick that just clicked for me where I roll my tongue back a little and sort of half open my epiglottis. It's that little flap that separates your trachea and esophagus in your throat. It seems to work ok I guess, but to me it sounds like Lois Griffin from Family Guy. I definitely need to practice more because to my ears it comes out awkward as fuck.

I've got a shit ton of plucking and tweezing and waxing to do. I still have all of my facial hair which is one of the two biggest barriers I have to passing. I'm thinking maybe beard cover would help with that, but it would have to be a daily upkeep and stubble would still be a problem.

My other biggest barrier is my body mass. My arms, though thinner, are still bulky because of fat. They're large, squishy and flabby which is annoying. I can't cross my arms without them looking manly. My legs are a bigger problem. I used to ride a bicycle everywhere around Austin, Tx which left my legs absolutely massive. Even with a shave, they're still massive and bulky as hell. This means I can't wear shorts, skirts, capris or dresses anytime soon. It's awful and I hate it.

I'm planning on hitting the gym a lot harder, possibly every day for hours a day. I'm also considering starting a veggie diet with an occasional break. I definitely want to pass 100% percent by the end of this year. That's the goal. If I visit family in Austin this Christmas, I want to be smoking hot and shove all my families doubts and stereotypes in their faces.