#037 - Found another transgender mormon video, passing a lot more often, and hosting tiny chat sessions. (HRT 1 year)

Monday, July 28, 2014

So I'm currently on a week long vacation from work. I still have school at night, but the mornings are all mine. I'm not really doing anything special. Just cleaning, working out, homework, and around-town errands.

I found another mormon transgender video on Reddit. I'm an Atheist now and no longer believe in god, but it's very moving and I'm glad to see the church finally leaving hate behind, if only a couple of members at a time. The leadership of the church is still mired in hatred and bigotry, but some members are turning toward sanity.

Aside from that, I've been trying to work up the courage to go full time. Facial hair and adams apple are still a huge problem and giveaway, but I'm pushing forward. By pushing forward, I mean being dragged kicking and screaming by roommates and friends to be more feminine :-P

This is my poor attempt at being more feminine. I still refuse to give up my old male hobbies such as video games, paintball, and airsoft. In fact, I'm buying a new airsoft gun this weekend. It's an MP9 and it's a lot lighter than my old M4. It weighs a lot less, is more compact, and is gas powered. The only downside is the magazines only hold 48 rounds each and are expensive. Still, it's basically a fully automatic pistol with a shoulder stock :-)

I'll try to be feminine and retain my tomboy hobbies and interests at the same time. It'll be difficult though. I'll take a few pictures and maybe record a few videos of action on the airsoft field for ya'll. Should be fun.

Anyways, I've started hosting Tiny Chat sessions every Sunday on the /r/asktransgender forums. Yesterday was the third one and it seems to be growing in popularity. I'm not always on, but it's hosted here at 5:30 pm EST on Sundays:

http://tinychat.com/jojorumbles

Anyone is welcome to join, provided they're civil and polite. No nastiness, no nudity, no sexual talk. The channel receives minors all the time so I'd like to keep it G rated. Otherwise Chris Hansen might pay me a visit :-P

For at home, I seem to be passing far more often. My voice still sounds like shit and I haven't been practicing. The couple of selfies I took above have been my best so far (no, not the Zena pic). There are some better pictures, but they came out blurry and terrible. Still, after 30 some odd years, I finally saw myself in the mirror for the first time. I broke down in tears and bawled for hours with joy. I had so many fears at the beginning and I'm so very happy with how things have currently turned out. I'm not done yet, there are still a couple of milestones to reach, but I think going full time by the end of this year is entirely possible and realistic.

I've been dabbling on the Omegle website and 9 times out of 10 I'm gendered correctly which blows my mind. People say I'm far more beautiful than I think I am (I have a very low opinion of my looks and body weight). Boobs are starting to become more shapely which is nice, but they still mostly have the shape of those orange road cones.

I think I've given up on the idea of getting vocal surgery within the next couple of years. I only have a limited amount of time left where I'm receiving all this extra money from the government for school. I have to ration it out and knock out the most important ones first. Definitely a tracea shave is first. Followed by either breast augmentation or FFS. It's looking like I'll only be able to get two surgeries at most.

Lastly, A friend recommended to me this spray on stuff that's supposed to ease the pain of electrolysis:

 

I haven't used it yet, but when the doctor starts working on mustache, I'm definitely going to need any pain reliever I can get. It's gonna hurt badly.

#036 - Electrolysis: Scary yet necessary. (HRT Year 1)

So, it's two in the morning and I've got an APA research paper due in about 15 hours. I'm still writing the damn thing, but I'm taking a break (aka slacking off). I've actually set up my laptop on the kitchen mantle because it keeps me standing up and not falling asleep. At the same time the research paper is due, I also have an English final exam. Yay no sleep!

Earlier today I took my Algebra final exam and sadly I failed it. Failed horribly with just a 50% grade. I self confidence dropped and I felt so terrible and guilty that I had to fight back tears. I finished up in class, got in my car, drove off and the floodgates burst. I was nearly bawling the whole drive home feeling incredibly stupid and worthless. Fortunately I'm allowed to retake the exam on my laptop and in the privacy of my own home. I scored significantly higher than before but my overall class average is hovering around 78%.

It's a passing grade, but I don't just want passing. "Good enough" isn't good enough for me. In my personal opinion, I believe I have far more to prove than my fellow students. Since I'm transgender, I'm afraid potential employers will see it as a big negative on my application. I want to have grades so high that I could say I graduated at the top of my class. That I'm the top pick from all other graduates. I'm hoping that would outweigh any anti-trans sentiment potential employers may have. In full honesty I have no clue either way.

Anyways, to the point of this blog entry: Electrolysis!!!!!

So for those who don't know, electrolysis is a permanent hair removal process. It works by inserting a thin needle-like probe down into the hair follicle, sending a burst of electricity through it which cauterizes the blood vessel which feeds the hair, and the hair itself is removed via tweezers.

That's basically what goes on. One hair at a time. Each session is for one hour and the technician eliminates as many hairs as they can within that time frame. I've had four sessions so far and results have been remarkable. Both of my cheeks and large portions of my sideburns have been cleared up with minimal regrowth. That's a good sign. Hopefully I won't have to get several dozens of sessions. I probably will, but I hope not.

My last session rendered the left side of my face swollen, red, bumpy and covered in tiny scabs. It's cleared up significantly since then, but there's still a bit of bumpy redness:

And yes, it's time to get my eyebrows waxed again. They're starting to get a little untidy. I'm also not wearing makeup of any kind. I want to, but I can't go out in public wearing it. I tried wearing just concealer to cover my 5 o'clock shadow, but an asshole coworker called me out on it. His mocking cuts pretty deep.

I do get compliments from cis women about the makeup they think I'm wearing (which is none). My eyelashes, lips, fingernails, and eyebrows when they're trimmed and waxed are often cited for compliments and I don't really see it. I do think hair looks great when tied back in a ponytail. It looks horrible when it's down though and I do want to visit a salon sometime.

My face has gotten better, but it still feels scratchy dry, looks red, and is still a little bumpy. It wouldn't be so bad if both sides of my face looks the same. Symmetry.

The pain that comes from this procedure varies greatly. From what the technician said, some areas of the face are far more sensitive than others because of their proximity to major blood vessels. The closer you get to the vertical line down the middle of your face, the more it hurts. Sideburns weren't bad at all, but as she got closer to the middle of my face it hurt more.

All in all, would I recommend the procedure? Yes. It's one hour of pain per week and results are immediate and lasting. In comparison to laser hair removal, I reached seven sessions and still never saw any real results.

One last thing. I set up an ammo can full of nail polish. My old interests meet my new interests. How awesome is that?
 :-P

#035 - Busy as hell, crossed the one year mark on HRT, and general updates. (HRT 1 Year and a few days)

Sunday July 13th, 2014

So I've been meaning to get around to writing this blog entry, but I've just been so busy with school. I work full time and attend school full time which leaves little time left for sleep or anything else. Having said that, I've finally crossed the one year mark on HRT. Yay! Here's a few recent pictures:

So yeah, significant progress is going on, but there's still a long way to go. I have no intention of going full time. I've barely touched makeup, my voice is still awful, I'm still overweight, and I still have facial hair.

The good news is that I'm finally getting electrolysis done. In fact, yesterday was my forth session. I'd love to take another selfie picture, but the whole left side of my face is swollen and bumpy. Lots of tiny little scabs everywhere. Even with makeup, my left side looks droopy.

Anyways, here's a timeline of pictures from the beginning:

I know, I know. A bunch of those pictures are cringe-worthy. It's ok, I cringe too when looking back on them. But it's important to keep the old pictures to contrast with the new ones. Real genuine progress is happening and it just blows my mind. My favorite of the bunch is the bottom left of the two rows. I use that picture on Facebook, Twitter, Skype, dating sites, and any other social media I can find.

Aside from that, school is going well. I have two finals next week and I'm totally procrastinating which I shouldn't. I'm not worried about failing. There's no chance of failing. I'm just worried about not getting straight A's. The way I figure it, if I graduate at the top of my class, potential employers who are anti-trans will look past that and see my hard work and amazingly high grades. That's the line of thinking anyways. Hateful bigots usually don't use reason and logic so that may all just be for nothing. Still, it's always good to do your best and shoot for the top.

And that's about it. I'm still slogging along at work. I don't hate it there, but I have no plans to stay there forever. I really want to go to the gym more often, but I just don't have the time to do so anymore. Maybe on the weekends, but that's not enough.