All the sacrifices I had to make, all the sleepless nights working on homework, the neglect of friends & social life, the stress & anxiety, the severe financial struggles, my family abandoning me, and the journey of transitioning while going through school. No amount of words can adequately describe just how rough it was.
Surprisingly I barely drank throughout my college years. It just didn't interest me and I don't particularly enjoy being intoxicated. I've gained quite a bit of weight due to stress eating. I'm about 215lbs now and it really sucks. Tummy tuckers, waistbands, corsets, or anything of that nature are now ineffective to deal with the spare tire I'm carrying around. It embarrasses me daily and the chubbiness can be seen in my face and chins. I think for the last few months I'm going to go on a diet. I certainly don't have the time to get to the gym and exercise, but cutting the sodas and sugary foods should be sufficient to look great in graduation photos.
This graduation ceremony, unfortunately, will be an unhappy one. My parents weren't interested in talking to me last Christmas and it left me heartbroken. No explanation, no apologies, nothing of the sort. They simply said in a text message that they're busy and I haven't heard from them since. I'm now officially without a family. I'll be walking the stage in cap and gown alone on this. It really sucks, but that's unfortunately just how it is. Maybe a classmate's family will fill the role my family isn't interested in fulfilling. No guarantee there will be any pictures or videos of the graduation ceremony.
Transition is going well. I appear almost entirely female with the exception of my voice and some other features. Getting the voice surgery is still high on my surgery-wants list. My hair has gotten pretty long and at it's longest was down to the middle of my back. I had to get it trimmed today to get rid of split ends and clean up around the neckline area. Lost about two inches, but that's OK. I can now brush it easily without tangles and knots. I'm still recovering from a failed attempt at bangs. Now that the bangs are longer, it actually looks kinda cute this way.
I've also learned that a well kept set of eyebrows goes a LOOOOOOONNNNNNGGGGG way of making the face appear more feminine. Life lesson, never neglect the eyebrows. They're made of magic. I don't even have to pencil mine in, they're fairly thin and well groomed to the point where I can get away with the all-natural look.
I'm still not really into makeup. I've dabbled with concealer, foundation, and mascara and that's about it. I've purchased several eyeliner pencils and markers, but I simply don't have the time to practice with them. I don't really have anyone to teach me, and the people who I know will help want to charge me an arm and a leg. I'm barely scraping by on a shoestring budget.
I'm currently working on homework for an Accounting class that I sorely hate and loath. The class is all online and the website did not work for the first week of class. The IT department finally got it fixed and I had two days of access before I was kicked out of the class due to inactivity. Totally unfair. I fought and fought, then eventually won. The downside is that I started the class two weeks late in a five week class. I'm currently in week four and still behind on homework. My instructor assures me that late assignments will not be a problem, but I don't trust him.
I have no idea what I'm doing in this class. I don't have the time to read and comprehend the book. I need to knock out assignments by certain days or else I'll get dropped again. I'm so focused on this that I'm not actually learning anything. I'm just pushing buttons until the assignment says it's all correct. Accounting class is a whole new definition of hell and it's just awful. Perhaps if I had the proper amount of time to actually study the material and course, it wouldn't be so bad. My first accounting class had the same problems as this time around and I didn't learn anything from that either.
Hopefully this will be the last accounting class that I have to take before graduation and I plan to get through it by any means necessary. Any. Means. Necessary.
Oh, I completely forgot. I got a part time job at night in an adult toy and movie store. A porn shop! The shop has two parts to it, the lingerie and regular DVD side, and the adult toys and adult DVD side. I work in the latter. Honestly I really love working there when the store owner isn't around. He's a party pooper. I love interacting with customers, making them laugh, taking them on a store tour.
The picture meme above is funny but surprisingly accurate. I don't really care about the DVD section as very few customers ever actually buy them. The toys are where the store makes all of its money and I love to push products like a sales woman. Sometimes I'll just make up fake stories that the customer would find entertaining to hear. My coworkers know the stories aren't true, but they're entertaining and I figure since nothing else in this store is accurate or truthful in regards to porn, I see no reason to be accurate and truthful either. And it's just a bit of fun too. Customers love to hear fictitious stories about the lady who bought the massive dildo, or the weird customers who play with themselves in the store. Our customers are actually well behaved, but people like to hear these sorts of stories.
Anyways, I've finally mustered the courage to use the women's restroom. My first time was actually in a bank on the top floor with the executives. I was working with them as part of my internship and I had to use the bathroom there. I guess if you're going to transition to a new bathroom, you might as well do it in style.
I pretty much pass as female anyways, plus wearing a business suit really completes the picture. I love love love wearing a business suit. I only have three sets, one of which doesn't fit very well. Two are all black and one is pinstripe grey. One long sleeve black jacket and one short sleeve black jacket. I don't have any skirts or dresses for business wear, all I have are pant suits. Business suits command an air of respect that I thoroughly enjoy. It shows a little cleavage and looks stunning and fierce.
And that about wraps it up for now. I'm still really busy with homework and spent valuable time writing this instead of working on it. Right now I need to complete at least one homework assignment before going to bed and I so desperately need sleep as it is.
Until next time.
