Tuesday, October 29, 2013
So again its been a while since I last posted. And, like always, I'm writing this as I'm about to go to bed. But whatever.
I recently had to delve into the health insurance world and it got nasty. My job is switching from company ran healthcare to a third party insurance called Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield. They have a prepresentative specifically assigned to our company and all of our employees. I thought she would be perfect to ask if Anthem covers HRT and SRS.
She was less than kind and respectful. Snapped at me a lot and eventually said "OK, you're pulling my leg. Don't ever call back."
So I then had to talk to our companies Human Resources rep. That was an awkward conversation but at least she tried to be civil and mature about it. She didn't know anything about transgender people or the medical needs associated. Honestly I'm just happy she didn't ridicule or toss me out of the office.
Anyways, she went and spoke to the Anthem rep on my behalf to get some answers. What she came back with sank my heart in despair. She said Anthem will NOT cover SRS for any reason and will NOT cover HRT, despite the fact that the very medications I'm taking now through DIY are listed as covered per Anthems own booklet.
Our HR rep apologized and said she feels like she let me down. Sadly there was nothing else she could do except recommend I check out Healthcare.gov and hope for the best.
My heart sank so low that afternoon. I tried to maintain composure for the rest of my shift which was difficult. When I got to my car I was in absolute tears from the sharp rejection. I collapsed onto the couch at home just bawling in a curled up ball, pulling tightly closed the drawstring on my hoodie.
I felt so horrible that those old thoughts of suicide came rushing back. Haven't had those since I came out to myself. Thankfully I've never put forth any effort into attempts.
Never in my life did I feel so low and rejected as I did that day. Eventually my roommate pulled into the driveway and I ran upstairs to my room before he came in.
At least I can now say for sure that the HRT meds have indeed changed my emotional state and sensitivity. Just wish I could've discovered that under better circumstances.
But there's a silver lining on this dark cloud. Bless our HR rep, she went the extra mile to bypass that Anthem bigot to find answers and indeed she did.
Quite to the contrary of that Anthem rep, they do indeed cover HRT and SRS but only if a doctor says that indeed they are medically necessary. Now to find a trans friendly doctor in this conservative state.
Aside from all that, I'm struggling to stay afloat financially. I'm missing payments and paying things late far too often. My credit card is maxed out, my debit card is in the red, I barely have a quarter tank of gas left to last the week, and this next paycheck is going straight to rent. Its come down to scrounging sofas and driers for spare change.
I guess this is as good a time as any to intentionally starve for a week or two. I've been meaning to do that in a last act of desperation to lose muscle and fat. Diet and exercise is just not doing it. I'm going to be skyping home this Christmas instead of physically traveling all the way to Texas and back. I want to look good for the camera. Have my laser treatments finished up by then, have my eyebrows neat looking, have my ears pierced and with silver studs in them, and have my hair in a feminine looking style.
The only people who don't know I'm trans yet is my family who live 1500 miles away. I want to at least look the part when I'm on camera. If they ask it would be a great time to say. If they're too dense to notice then oh well. I'll bring it up after one full year on HRT.
I've recently started cutting expenses. No more eBay splurging. I cut off my smartphone in favor of a cheap Walmart flip phone. My smartphone bill was $135 per month whereas the flip phone is $50 per month for unlimited everything. There are even cheaper monthly plans which I may downgrade to. I'm saving almost $1200 per year by doing this. The only down side is that I'm going through internet withdraw symptoms. No longer can I check Facebook and reddit on lunch and breaks. I have to find a Wi-Fi hotspot to do that now.
I'm also looking into getting a second job. I absolutely want that voice feminization surgery and I'm hellbent on getting it. Maybe even FFS as well if I think I need it later down the road. But the voice thing for sure. I'll end up working 60 to 80 hours per week, but after six months of that or so, I'll be able to afford it and then some.
Anyways, I'm losing sleep and I'm typing all of this on a tablet. Time to call it a night.
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