So I finally worked up the courage to tell my family. They're pretty much the last ones to know and I've been stressing out trying to think of a way to tell them without sparking a fight. So, here's the letter I sent them:
___________________________________
So yeah, I was wondering for a while how to write this. Pretty much everyone else in my life knows already is is supportive and cool about it. You guys are pretty much the only ones left who don't know, and to be honest it's getting kinda hard to keep it a secret.
Well, to rip the band-aid off in one go, I'm transgender. I've felt that way for a VERY long time but I didn't have anyone to talk to about it. I started seeing a therapist back in February for six months and have been on prescribed hormones for the past four months. I'm telling you now because I don't want to just show up for the holidays and have it be a surprise.
I've always felt alienated and hated whenever I went to church and boy scouts, which is mainly why I wanted out. Would you follow a religion that hates you down to your core? I couldn't and I left. I hated every minute being there. You have no idea how horribly christianity in general treats LGBT folks until you're on the receiving end of it.
I want to make it clear that this is not a cry for attention or help, this is not an act of "rebellion" or anything of the sort. I'm not out seeking approval. I'm simply letting everyone know that this is happening.
For me, coming out to myself and doing something about it has been amazing. I've gone through life so far bitter, angry, and completely lost. But now I feel whole and myself. I'm actually smiling for real now instead of just faking it for social situations. I feel genuinely happy for once.
You've probably got a LOT of questions about it which is ok. I'm really not comfortable talking about on the phone yet. Partially because I hate talking on that cheap flip phone and partially because it's a difficult thing to talk about.
___________________________________
I wanted to force the conversation away from phone call to text an emails. It's a lot more difficult to say awful things you don't mean when it's written. But anyways, here's my moms response:
___________________________________
Hi sweetie
First and foremost, I am not upset and I am not "freaking-out". I still love you. That kid next door ([male name]) is also transgender. I thought a girl had moved in next door until Dad told me it was [male name] (don't know what his name is now - kind of hard to come out and ask his mom).
Are you planning on having surgery to become a woman? (I would think it would be pretty expensive - don't think that insurance would cover it). My main concern is how to explain this sort of thing to others (seriously - what do you say???). I am not ashamed and I am not embarrassed - it's just that this is uncharted territory (so to speak).
Anyways, as far as I am concerned, this is your choice and I am OK with it. Did you want to be the one to tell [brother]? (or does he already know?). How about [sister]?
It's getting late and I am an old lady ;-) Take care, sweetie and drop a line when you get a chance.
Love,
Mom
___________________________________
It went a lot better than what I imagined. But to be fair, I was expecting the worst. I let my mom tell everyone else because, honestly she loves to gossip. Anyways, Sister #1 already knows and she's been helpful and understanding about it. News spreads fast and I received this communication from Sister #2:
Sister #2: Hey Jojo, mom told me the news and I just wanted to let you know like mom and dad that I'm not judging you at all and still love you just the same. I know this is probably a really hard thing to tell people about but I just wanted to shoot you a quick email and let you know that we're here.
Me: Thanks. I've already been on this prescription for quite a while now.
Me: Also, throw out any stereotypes you may have seen on TV. The vast majority of people who've gone through this are completely indistinguishable in public. If you didn't already know, you would've never known.
Sister #2: Ok. Are you going to get the full out surgery?
Me: Yeah. But that's not going to happen for a while. Prescription takes a good one to two years first. I've already lost a LOT of muscle mass. I'm all skinny like a twig now lol.
Me: Shoe size shrank too. Went from a size 12 shoe to a size 9, and I think I should've gotten a size 8 because 9 still seems a bit loose.
Sister #2: Oh wow, ok. So this is probably a dumb question and I don't mean to come off as insensitive or anything, but do you like men or women?
Me: Nah it's cool. Questions are fine. I've always been far more attracted to men than women. I've just had to fake it all these years so people would think I'm "normal".
Sister #2: So how long have you known that something was different?
Me: Oh gosh, since like seven or eight. I just didn't have anyone to talk to about it. Mom wasn't exactly the listening type back then.
Sister #2: Was it really scary to tell mom about it?
Me: Well, a lot less scary now that I'm 1,500 miles away and not dependant.
Sister #2: Haha, true. Are you going to change your name?
Me: Kinda have to. [my real name] isn't exactly an appropriate name.
Me: But again, that isn't for a while.
Sister #2: So for now are you ok with us calling you [my real name]?
Me: Oh yeah, that's fine. Don't worry about offending. Thick skin and all. Well... not literally anymore lol.
Sister #2: Do you kind of talk in a higher tone of voice now?
Me: You know? I'm not sure. I haven't noticed it personally but others have told me it sounds "different".
Me: My female roommate who is a flight attendant says everytime she comes home from a long couple of weeks away, I sound a little higher and "refined".
Sister #2: Haha yeah
Sister #2: I'm about to go crash and take a nap, but yeah, just know none of us are disowning you or anything.
Me: That's cool.
Me: Btw Sister #1 has known for quite some time now. She keeps asking for every little detail lol
Sister #2: Oh yeah I was talking to her today about it. Is she feeling like she's going to do something like this?
Me: She said she looked into it but I don't think so.
Sister #2: Alright. Well thanks for talking about it. Ttyl!
____________________________________
And that was the end of the conversation. I really didn't want to bog everyone down with unnecessary details and stuff. I just let them know that everything changes including shoe size and voice. My shoe size really did go down but I think that was entirely because of the loss of muscle mass. My voice I've been working on but it's been slow and difficult to find alone time to practice.
About half an hour after that conversation, my dad sends me an email:
____________________________________
Hi [my real name], no worries here,
Your mom forwarded your email to me. I hope your ok with me writing to you.
I will always consider you as part of my family. You are always welcome home.
In no way would I ever not love you and can in no way know what you are going through and have been through.
I know I'm not your blood dad but as far as I'm concerned you are a son/ to me. I may not understand everything but
I decided a while back that it is not my place to judge any human being. We are all here together. I formerly resigned from the church but don't question any one's faith or right to believe what they believe, I only question my own faith.
I have known and been friends with many people over the years especially at work here in Austin who are either lesbian, gay, transgender, doesn't make a difference to me.
Life is an eventful journey and is too short to be angry and judgmental or hateful towards others, I just can't do it.
Hope your ok and everybody treats you like a human being there and you're safe.
I wish you only happiness and want you to know that with all my heart.
So when you can make it, come home for the holidays or any time.
Love, Dad
_____________________________________
And that was it for the day. I'm adding the rest of the responses in as time goes by but a few days have past since I started this blog entry and nobody else has contacted me. Mom has either not told everyone or everyone else doesn't want to contact me about it. Whatever I guess.
Sister #2: Hey Jojo, mom told me the news and I just wanted to let you know like mom and dad that I'm not judging you at all and still love you just the same. I know this is probably a really hard thing to tell people about but I just wanted to shoot you a quick email and let you know that we're here.
Me: Thanks. I've already been on this prescription for quite a while now.
Me: Also, throw out any stereotypes you may have seen on TV. The vast majority of people who've gone through this are completely indistinguishable in public. If you didn't already know, you would've never known.
Sister #2: Ok. Are you going to get the full out surgery?
Me: Yeah. But that's not going to happen for a while. Prescription takes a good one to two years first. I've already lost a LOT of muscle mass. I'm all skinny like a twig now lol.
Me: Shoe size shrank too. Went from a size 12 shoe to a size 9, and I think I should've gotten a size 8 because 9 still seems a bit loose.
Sister #2: Oh wow, ok. So this is probably a dumb question and I don't mean to come off as insensitive or anything, but do you like men or women?
Me: Nah it's cool. Questions are fine. I've always been far more attracted to men than women. I've just had to fake it all these years so people would think I'm "normal".
Sister #2: So how long have you known that something was different?
Me: Oh gosh, since like seven or eight. I just didn't have anyone to talk to about it. Mom wasn't exactly the listening type back then.
Sister #2: Was it really scary to tell mom about it?
Me: Well, a lot less scary now that I'm 1,500 miles away and not dependant.
Sister #2: Haha, true. Are you going to change your name?
Me: Kinda have to. [my real name] isn't exactly an appropriate name.
Me: But again, that isn't for a while.
Sister #2: So for now are you ok with us calling you [my real name]?
Me: Oh yeah, that's fine. Don't worry about offending. Thick skin and all. Well... not literally anymore lol.
Sister #2: Do you kind of talk in a higher tone of voice now?
Me: You know? I'm not sure. I haven't noticed it personally but others have told me it sounds "different".
Me: My female roommate who is a flight attendant says everytime she comes home from a long couple of weeks away, I sound a little higher and "refined".
Sister #2: Haha yeah
Sister #2: I'm about to go crash and take a nap, but yeah, just know none of us are disowning you or anything.
Me: That's cool.
Me: Btw Sister #1 has known for quite some time now. She keeps asking for every little detail lol
Sister #2: Oh yeah I was talking to her today about it. Is she feeling like she's going to do something like this?
Me: She said she looked into it but I don't think so.
Sister #2: Alright. Well thanks for talking about it. Ttyl!
____________________________________
And that was the end of the conversation. I really didn't want to bog everyone down with unnecessary details and stuff. I just let them know that everything changes including shoe size and voice. My shoe size really did go down but I think that was entirely because of the loss of muscle mass. My voice I've been working on but it's been slow and difficult to find alone time to practice.
About half an hour after that conversation, my dad sends me an email:
____________________________________
Hi [my real name], no worries here,
Your mom forwarded your email to me. I hope your ok with me writing to you.
I will always consider you as part of my family. You are always welcome home.
In no way would I ever not love you and can in no way know what you are going through and have been through.
I know I'm not your blood dad but as far as I'm concerned you are a son/ to me. I may not understand everything but
I decided a while back that it is not my place to judge any human being. We are all here together. I formerly resigned from the church but don't question any one's faith or right to believe what they believe, I only question my own faith.
I have known and been friends with many people over the years especially at work here in Austin who are either lesbian, gay, transgender, doesn't make a difference to me.
Life is an eventful journey and is too short to be angry and judgmental or hateful towards others, I just can't do it.
Hope your ok and everybody treats you like a human being there and you're safe.
I wish you only happiness and want you to know that with all my heart.
So when you can make it, come home for the holidays or any time.
Love, Dad
_____________________________________
And that was it for the day. I'm adding the rest of the responses in as time goes by but a few days have past since I started this blog entry and nobody else has contacted me. Mom has either not told everyone or everyone else doesn't want to contact me about it. Whatever I guess.
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