Today my order from inhousepharmacy came in the mail. About a week sooner than expected. In full honesty I'm scared out of my mind. Scared of all the unknowns. Mostly scared that it won't work or I won't be able to ever pass. Scared that I'm too old and starting too late. Scared that I'll get fired from my job or kicked out of my house by the landlord. Scared that my family will reject me. Just... scared of all the unknowns.
I came out to my sister who's really into the LGBT community and an activist. She didn't reply much except that my decision is "freaking awesome". She even asked me what other name I will be going by. Took me by surprise a little, but I think I'm going to keep it simple. My real name passes for both male and female names. I'm also considering a few variations of my name just so it doesn't sound so foreign.
Anyways, the pills I ordered are sitting right in front of me and I'm still hesitant. Got a bottle of water here as well as a written schedule for how much to take and when to ramp up the dose. I'm starting slow with just 50mg of Spiro per day. After a little while of this I'm going to ramp up to 100mg per day and 2mg of E. Right now I'm just staring at the package with a blank stare.
My hair is a mess though. It's going through an ugly phase of not being long enough to style yet too long to keep it neat. I've started collecting pictures of myself from the past (aren't all pictures of you from the past?) Told my mom that my girlfriend wanted to see pictures of me when I was younger (a complete lie of course). They're going into a transition video one day.
BTW here are a few:
And of course, my first picture of HRT:
(Pic of HRT Day 1)
(Don't judge my pudgy face, lol)
No comments:
Post a Comment