Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Well look at that. I'm writing this at a decent time instead of the last second before falling asleep at night. So, I stopped taking my E pills. I'm still taking 200mg of spiro per day, but I just stopped with the progynova all together. I was getting the impression that it wasn't doing anything for me whatsoever. Plus I read somewhere that I should have started taking spiro for a while first before taking E. Not both at the same time and certainly not at full dose within weeks of starting.
I still feel a little tired from the spiro, but I think I'm adjusting. It kinda feels like jetlag though it's getting better. I actually quit E three days ago and I don't plan on starting again until sometime early next month. I'm convinced that the "effects" I thought I was feeling from E were made up. Stuff I wanted to believe was caused by the hormones, but couldn't definitively say it was. I could be crazy or whatever, but I'm putting my foot down on this. No more E until early next month. Then I'll start up again.
I've been cheating on my diet lately. I've started eating junk food again including my kriptonite, monster energy drinks. Not as much as I was before my diet. Those days were truly awful. Heartburn so bad I couldn't sleep ten minutes without waking up with a powerful urge to throw up.
I've also been skipping workouts too. I dunno, I think I'm starting to slip or something. Before I enlisted in the Navy, I led an awful lifestyle. Gluttony, isolation, lazy, poor hygiene, zero motivation, depression, bad financial management and an alarming addiction to world of warcraft. It was a bad couple of years.
Bootcamp was especially rough for me but in retrospect I'm rather grateful for that swift kick in the ass. Now that I'm out, I fear I might be slipping into old bad habits again.
I still haven't met another trans person in real life yet. Just online text interactions. I'm not the kind of person that makes friends easily nor have I ever "fit in" well. I always feel like I'm wearing a disguise when around others, and they see it too but are too polite to call me out. I have traded emails with people I met on Craigslist, but all sorts of red flags went up in my head when they wanted to meet me in person... at their house... at night... alone.
I tried meetup, but there are no trans groups and a very small number of LGBT groups. All of which seem to be inactive. I hate the thought of going into this alone, but I'm strong and I own a shotgun so I'll manage.
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